The Unwelcome Welcome Of The Modern Meh-vite

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Ok, I have just about had it with e-invitations. With posts on Facebook, Insta-whatever it’s called, even texts bidding me come to this or that party, or cookout. I’m pretty much done with those ‘save the date’ cards. Really, I don’t want your meh-invites, your obligatory reach out, your unwelcome welcome, when we both know, you really don’t want me to come over and muck up the get-together you don’t really even want to get-together.

I know, someplace in that dull organ you call a brain you sense there is some reason you have to include me, but really can’t ever think of a good reason to, so you just go through the motions. I realize I am not one of the cool kids, that I really bring nothing to the proverbial table (although, you can usually count on me to bring a box of pretty good Italian cookies to a gathering, in NJ there are still a good places where to buy them) and that, more often than not, I will say something that is considered completely offensive to the gathering of younger (see weaker) folks you have coming to your house. I know I am not really wanted; we don’t get along all that well, sometime not so long ago we kind of stopped even being friends, or maybe we never weren’t, and I am either a long-distanced relation or a friend of your better half you feel you have to ask along.

When we don’t care to send the very best, we send it across social media. No, don’t tell me that “Ralph, this is just the way things are done these days,” or ‘It’s best to do it via social media because we then get a clear indication, via your ‘Most Likely Going,” ‘Might Go,’ or ‘F-off and die, I’d never set foot again at your rat’s nest of a hovel’ response who we can expect at the party.” But I know, you don’t care if I come. If you did, we would talk more often, socialize on other occasions, you’d pick up the bloody phone and tell me about the party or, God forbid, send a little invite in the mail.

The mail? Ralph, are you kidding?!

Hey, I feel the same way about you, don’t feel bad. But notice, I don’t try and include you in anything anymore, or maybe, never did. I care about your presence in my life as much as you do mine in yours. Don’t worry, we are sympatico this way.

At least we have this in common, huh?

I know this might seem cynical but here are the present truths as I see them:

1.) The human animal has been de-evolving into the weakest version of itself these past ten years (and when I write ‘ten’ I am being very generous).

2.) This state has been caused, in no small part, by social media.

3.) The result of the above is that, most people, don’t not give half a donkey’s dingus about anybody but themselves.

4.) Most people who send out invites really don’t want anybody coming by.

5.) (sorry this one is a real pet peeve) It might be the current thing to do, but what the shizniate are men doing being invited to baby and bridals showers? Won’t be too long until women are showing up at bachelor parties….if grooms-to-be are even having them anymore?

6.) If you do come by, most people won’t care all that much that you did and furthermore won’t care what you have to talk about. They only want to talk about themselves.

So, don’t invite me, ok? I know who, of the very small grouping of my loved ones want me around and when their invites (and they usually call to invite me) are genuine. The rest of you, I wish you all the very best of health and happiness but give up pretending you really want me around with the half-assed, meh-vite that I come to erase off my phone or out of my email as quickly as you send it off…when you are hoping like all hell, I don’t show anyway.

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