The Things I Miss: Another Happy New Year Blog

With the New Year upon us, we should shore up our resolutions as much as possible and be mindful of what we’ll miss. I, for one, feel slightly wistful over not having had a good old assassination last year.

Actually, for a good many years.

I thought Trump would’ve prompted this combative, violent reaction, or before him, Obama, seeing as he was the first of his kind in the big seat and anybody through the door first usually gets bloody. I guess any crazy who might plan to take Biden out is simply waiting for old age to get him. But don’t ya just miss: heretofore unknown buildings, balconies, and ‘grassy knolls’ becoming landmarks; folks with odd names, from a Lee Harvey to a “Squeaky” Fromme (decidedly, the old Chuck Manson follower, failed in her attempt) and double same-namers like Sirhan Sirhan becoming instant celebs; cultural and political discourse switched into overdrive or thrown asunder with a muzzle flash; creepy old photo captures or shaky video fueling decades of speculation, some that become best sellers (have you ever read An Assassin’s Diary based on part on Arthur Bremer’s rambling prior to shooting George Wallace, it’s really compelling stuff)…really, a lot happens when some well-known person gets offed by some nutbag.

Look, I don’t want anybody to get dead, and I hated to see Walter Cronkite cry (and that little conflict called the First World War was a global pain in the ass, I heard). But we can’t argue that a good old-fashioned assassination indeed makes history time and again.

It seems we have evolved to the point where we need a global pandemic to shake things up as much as a good old assassination used to. COVID changed the world, surely for two years, if not forever, as much throwing us all into an economic slumber party—sans party—left us all doubting ourselves and hating our neighbor more than ever before, and can be argued switched kings on a dime in the good old U.S. of A. In the good old days, all you needed was one well-planned shot to get things spinning off in such a wacky way.

And fewer people died in the old way.

Kids of today have no idea what they are missing. They come to think that Kim Kardashian ‘breaking the internet’ by showing her ass constitutes Earth-shattering news. And although we all see those disgusting customer-gone-wild videos from inside some McDonald’s where somebody destroys the restaurant because they were given the wrong flavor milkshake, this is child’s play violence compared to beading down on some handsome man’s head and blowing his skull apart.

So, here’s wishing you all a wonderful 2024 and pining for things of yore, as I so often do.

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